Long Climb to the First Step

I am 30 to 70 minutes late to work every day. I work late every night after punching out as a kind of compensation to the company.

I am working on a three month contract that is renewed so far every three months. They could let me go at any time you feel like it. I am expected to work as a regular full-time member of the team. But, in reality, I am still treated like a second class worker. 

I am not good at my job. I should be more aggressive and abrasive in my dealings with customers and force them to close the deal. 

In reality, I cannot avoid thinking about how they would feel if I were such a salesman. I gain their trust, and feel good about the decisions that I make. 

If our product does not meet the clients specifications and price, then we have to negotiate. Unfortunately, this is quite hard since we don't own the products ourselves. This makes it much easier for clients to run next-door to a service provider who has exactly what the client wants at just the right price.

And I lose the deal.